How it's possible that I have lived in this great state for seven (non-consecutive) years and never once been to the State Fair, I do not understand. We handily fixed this problem yesterday, I'm happy to report.

Let the games begin. Because you know not 10 feet beyond the point where you pay admission to the fair grounds, there's a coupon stand which you'll need to visit before you can actually enjoy anything inside the gates.

Top Ten Things We Learned While Visiting The Texas State Fair

(In no particular order.)

1. Chicken-Fried Bacon tastes as delicious as it sounds. However, we would like to offer up this idea to the culinary geniuses at Sun in my Belly in Kirkwood, Georgia, to see how they'd interpret it using their thick-cut maple bacon.

2. It is impossible for children to be within one mile of a face painter and not beg incessantly for you to stop. They will complain within 10 minutes that their face is itchy. And they will cry when they see paint under their fingernails. Naturally this is time well-spent.

3. You will spend an average of $30 in GameCard funds -- note, your handy coupons that you purchased cannot be used on games -- in order to win a prize valued no more than $0.75 on a good day. It will fall apart on the way home.

Multiply this factor by each child (or child-like person) in your party.

4. Allowing your two-year old to ride in his big sister's Bumper Car is a solidly bad idea.

5. So is putting him in a Jeep ride where the car gently bounces up and down and spins around in a circle. Your six-year old will be bored to tears with this ride after the first 30 seconds, however, and won't appreciate the fact it cost you $8 in coupons for them to ride.

6. Carousels never get old regardless of your age or stage in life.

7. Neither do paddle boats. Most especially ones shaped like a swan.

8. The people-watching will absolutely be even better than you can hope. Wear sunglasses.

9. You will either stick your face through a wooden cut-out for an embarrassing photo or someone will force you to do so. If you complain, your photographer will pretend like she can't get the camera to meter correctly. Just stand there oooooone more minute, please.

10. Spending five and a half hours at the fair will allow you to experience approximately 15% of what there is to see and do.

So much Texas, so little time.